To Love, To Protect, To Forsake
by ladyasile
Summary: Snupin. Yaoi. When society and your phantoms haunt you, what choice will you make?


**To Love, To Protect, To Forsake**

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A/N: Well, after pretty much reading every Snape/Lupin story out there, I decided to contribute to this wonderful cause, er, well… pairing. This isn't a happy story, which would be better, but… It's lemon-ish, I think. Special thanks to Brokenshardsofmyheart99 (my beta), who must deal with my horrible writing.

Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Harry Potter or the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

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"If we're together, then no one can…" he let his voice trail off. In truth, he felt that nothing he said could fix the shards of their love and bring them closer, like before. He looked at the floor and slowly up to the face of the man he loved. Plainly, he could see the dark cascade that buried the man's baleful eyes. The eyes that he ached to see whenever they made love, looking right into his tarnished soul. Without so much as a single thought, he stepped forward and embraced the man gently. His head buried into the neck of his insipid lover, the man that he often declared his love for. The strong sense of smell that he possessed was useless to him. A smell of musk, salt, water, and some type of cologne new to him mixed within his nose.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you _

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow _

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be _

_And I don't want to go home right now _

In only mere moments, he felt vigorous arms envelope him into a wintry and amorous hold. "All the pain in the world does not make a difference to me, Remus. You know that love is…"

Their embraced relaxed. Remus looked into the man's eyes and nodded. "I can't afford to have you out of my life forever, Severus," he whispered. As best as he could, he leaned up and kissed Severus caringly on the lips. "Stay with me?" His voice divulged his true emotions and qualms. Perhaps there was a time when he would have detested himself for sounding so deprived and petrified, but not at the very moment. "Severus?" he asked, not sure of what awaited him now.

_And all I can taste is this moment _

_And all I can breathe is your life _

_and sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight _

The man fully clad in black kissed Remus as to silence him for the moment. His lips trekked from the mouth of the angel onto his jaw and neck, carefully concealing each and every sin with a chaste kiss. The downy fingers disrobed Remus thoughtlessly, letting all the clothes that once kept him shielded descend into the forlorn floor. "Remus…" Severus' voice whispered as his body pressed onto his lover's. The angelic one could be heard breathing inconsistently, his voice barely speaking recognizable words.

Remus compassionately removed Severus' clothes and let them tumble tentatively. His hands caressed his lover's face and chest. He placed flowing kisses anywhere he could, desperate to take away all the misery. He could feel Severus shoving him to the floor. All the while, his mind kept making him think about what would happen after this. And just as he did the day he first gave himself to the Slytherin, he disregarded his thoughts, judgments, and feelings.

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am _

Severus kissed Remus until he got to his chest. Looking at the man beneath him, he knew what he wanted. The Slytherin placed his sultry mouth over Remus' left nipple and began to harass it. Once in a while his eyes would wander to the man under him and he'd feel his lips curve into a smirk. He released the left nipple and began to taunt the other, never releasing the left one in his hand.

"Sev… Severus…" Remus moaned out. With his lover's mouth on him, he could feel the heat building up inside his own body. The need for discharge made him more sensitive to the touch of the man he loved.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming _

_Or the moment of truth in your lies _

_When everything feels like the movies _

_Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive _

The normally solemn man laughed. "You want me to take you, werewolf?" He drew out his tongue and licked and nipped the man's abdomen. Leisurely he made his way onto the man's lower regions. He gazed at the engorged member and grinned. His hands made to touch the sensitive organ, but moved abruptly to avoid it. With another grin on his face, he bowed his head and took Remus in.

The lycanthrope groaned in ecstasy. The warmth that enveloped him made him thrust upward into the mouth of the Slytherin. He could feel the tongue swirl around his member. Licking under it, causing surges of bliss to run throughout out his body. He felt how the mouth sucked callously, bringing him endless desires and fantasies. Velvety hands toyed around with his balls, stroking them and making him bite down on his lip in order to maintain himself.

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am _

Severus stopped his movements and sheathed himself into the werewolf. He heard the howl that came from the pain, but chose to ignore it at once. He shoved his member inside of the werewolf again and again. Each thrust more forceful than the last. Exasperated with the response that he was getting from the lycanthrope he seized the wolf's leg and placed it over his shoulder and continued to push himself further and further. Sidetracked, he could only faintly hear the werewolf's cries and sobbing.

"Fuck…" he whispered as he came with a groan.

"S-Severus…" Remus called out tentatively.

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am _

Severus gave a sigh. "What, Lupin? Didn't you enjoy yourself? Is this not what you wanted?" He asked and glared. Seeing no sign of a reply, Severus Snape got up and dressed, not once looking over at the lycanthrope in pain. "Remember, no one can know," he paused to look at the werewolf, "Lupin, our lives will be reduced to mere mockery if we keep this up. You have Potter, Black, and Pettigrew to console you, don't you? Why not just break this trivial and vile sex addiction and leave me the hell alone!"

"I-I love you… Severus…" Remus practically suffocated on his tears and sobs. "They'll just have to-"

"What?! Accept us? You're a bloody werewolf, a gay werewolf! I'm a… An outcast!" Severus took in a deep breath. His right hand straightened out his hair.

Remus stood up and walked over to Severus, no faltering in his step. Reaching up, he grasped the Slytherin tie the man wore and brought him to his eye level. His heart raced, his legs shook, but he kept a stern face. "Since when do you care about what they think? Severus Snape… How dare you place a label on me! What does it matter if they don't look at us in the eye, treat us with respect, make us feel alive?!" His breath hitched. "I will always look at you in the eye, treat you with decency and respect, and I'll never fail to make you feel alive…" Remus felt the tears pool at the corners of his eyes.

_And I don't want the world to see me _

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_When everything's made to be broken _

_I just want you to know who I am _

The Slytherin looked away. His hands formed fists, and he could feel his unkempt nails inserting themselves into the very blood that allowed him to live. "What if…"

"Don't you dare start that! Those are the questions that will keep you up at night. They'll eat you up and never let you be whole again! I don't want the answer to… What if I lost you?…"

Severus eyed the Gryffindor with a perplexed expression. All the time that he had been with him, he never once thought of losing the man. It wasn't out of confidence or arrogance, no it was out of the adoration that he had for him. Many sleepless nights were filled with thoughts of the werewolf he had now, his love… his Remus J. Lupin. Their journey to be together was not trouble-free, but all the time he had only one goal in his mind, the only goal that allowed his soul and heart to keep going: The hope for love.

_I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

"Remember when it seemed as if no one would tolerate our relationship? We got over that. It may be because you are ashamed of being with a lowlife werewolf, but isn't this still the same? Sure, we are going to graduate and move on in life, but is that a reason for us to not remain with each other?" Remus could feel Severus almost leaning on to him.

"Remus…" he spoke delicately. He grasped the other's hand and leaned him into a loving kiss. His breath was coming out in short pants before he spoke next. "You're not the one I love. I have no use for you or your so-called love… After all," he grinned deviously, "Compared to you, I am worthier… And in no way pathetic like you. Repulsive werewolf… I don't have a need for love or anyone else," he spat and left.

With only a numb feeling spreading all over his body, Remus bent his head and began to get dressed in the stillness of the night. There were no tears in his eyes, nor ache in his heart. As best as he could he walked out of the empty classroom and headed to his bed, his only haven from the malice that plagued him. He entered his dormitory and laid in his bed. "Severus…" he whispered to the darkness.

Severus sat on the forgiving grass and looked up to a moonless night. It was a clear sky, but the shadows surrounded him nonetheless. He looked down at his arm and gulped. "I can't show you who I really am, Remus," he bowed his head, "Forgive me for tossing you out of my life forever… I can't ever watch you from afar…" Tears ran down his pallid face, but he made no effort to rid of them. "Only you understood and loved me… I still love you, Remus."

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A/N: Inspired by Stratagirl. Thanks for reading!


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